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Fortunately, there was a break in the parade and I lost them by racing through the Fortier Tarpon Marching Band to the other side of the street. “Dose are our girlfriends,” roared Antony and the pair started after me probably thinking they’d each grab a leg and make a wish. “Wait a minute,” huffed Tony, “which two broads you talkin’ ‘bout?” “Yeah, well I got hit harder by those two tush-hogs up by the floats than I did in the entire Holy Cross game,” I sneered. But I just couldn’t leave well enough alone. Blame it on my country boy-can-survive upbringing. “Yeah you right, Antony,” laughed Monster number two.īlame it on the beer. “Boy, we kicked you ‘Salley Dollies’ all over City Park last year, didn’t we, Tony?” gloated Monster number one. Add to that fact that his sidekick was an exact clone with a similar jacket and perhaps you’ll understand why I chose a New Orleans response. The booming voice came from a giant in a Holy Cross jacket with more stripes for football and wrestling letters than one would find in the zebra pen at the Audubon Zoo. Suddenly, a deep voice on the side of me asked in that unmistakable native accent, “Hey, bro. While battling two rather large women-oh, what the hell, they’ll never read this-make that obese trolls for worthless trinkets one Carnival, I took more licks than an all-day sucker as the tag team of tanks took turns battering my then bone-thin body.įinally, I beat a retreat to the edge of the crowd hoping my Dutchtown letterman’s jacket was not torn to shreds. This one comes courtesy of my personal experience files. Tourists should carry a copy of “A Confederacy of Dunces” for further translations and catch phrases. Omitting the “h” from “ninth ward” is also acceptable as is ordering raw “eysters” down at Felix’s. In formal conversations, you should adjust to “Where y’at, Antony!” being careful to leave out the “h” especially since Pelican center Antony Davis is such a big deal in the Big Easy these days. And if you want to greet someone in Noo Awlins, you certainly don’t say something foolish like, “How do you do?” The correct form of address is “Where y’at, Tony!” even if the person’s name is not Tony. Pronouns such as “thee” and “thou” have been translated into local slang which brings us to the first commandment…įirst and foremost, it’s not New Or- leans with the accent on the last syllable and rhyming with “jeans” no matter how many old songs that you listen to. These may not save your soul but they have saved my life a few times during the Carnival season. John the Nite Tripper, when he came down from the roof of Tipitina’s one night.
ASCENSION PARISH SHERIFF MOSES BLACK MAC
Well, once a year in New Orleans, the world returns to that aforementioned state of confusion with lots of lost souls in search of guidance.Īnd so, as a public service to you my faithful readers, Ascension Magazine feels a moral obligation to publish the Ten Commandments of Mardi Gras-handed down by Mac Rebennack, better known as Dr. Once upon a time when the world was in a total state of confusion and there were no government bailouts, a guy named Moses went up to a local mountain top and came down with the Ten Commandments-guaranteed to improve your life here and now and in the hereafter.